9 Top Tips when working with a Narcissist.
Almost all offices have them.
If you have found yourself in a place of frustration, confusion, irritation and self-doubt that you don’t normally experience in the workplace chances are you are working with a narcissist or sometimes known as a High Conflict Personality (HCP).
In the workplace, dealing with high conflict narcissistic behaviours can be purgatory, particularly when the person exhibiting those behaviours is your boss or a close colleague with who you have to work with on a daily basis.
In some workplaces, the person doesn't just belittle their co-workers and their contributions but actually believe they are the most important person in the organisation, they are so unique and special that without them the whole business would fall to pieces, therefore, they can treat others poorly.
Someone with narcissistic traits can be extremely hard to work with especially if you don’t know how to best work with them. Remember a narcissist doesn’t know that they are a narcissist, they are unable to reflect on their behaviour in any way so unfortunately if you are going to work with them you are best to skill up and learn tips to save your own sanity and to productively work with this tricky personality type.
Here are some tips to remember when working with a narcissist.
Engage politely, respectfully and professionally while maintaining your personal and professional boundaries (even if you want to do the opposite)
Always lead by example and treat them how you ideally want to be treated (even if it is never returned)
Communicate assertively and set clear boundaries from the beginning. Be clear about what will happen if boundaries are crossed and make sure to follow through.
Don’t waste time and energy trying to change them or show them how wrong or hurtful they are, it will never work.
Never tell a narcissist that they are a narcissist or HCP, it will not end well.
Protect your own self-esteem and build a supportive network; one that keeps reminding you you are doing a great job.
Be prepared to listen….alot. Smile, nod and stay calm. You don’t have to respond in fact they prefer you don't! Think about the new recipe you want to try or make plans for the weekend, and when you simply can’t stand it any longer use the classic excuse ‘I need to use the loo’ and get out of there!
Steer away from getting sucked into their emotional outbursts and definitely do not respond in a similar way, this is hard because emotions are contagious!
Learn the BIFF response method: Brief, informative, friendly and firm. Click on the link to learn more about BIFF
As difficult as some of these tips can be to carry out if you can begin to implement them you will be able to preserve your sanity, integrity, professionalism and self-esteem all while getting the job done!
If their behaviour goes too far, report it to HR or seek support.