What to do when a child doesn’t want to see the other parent.
When a child does not want to see the other parent, it can be a complex and emotionally charged situation. There could be various reasons why a child is reluctant to spend time with one of their parents. It is important to address the root cause of the child's reluctance to see the other parent and to work towards resolving any underlying issues. Depending on the situation, this may involve counselling, mediation, or other intervention. Ultimately, the goal should be to ensure the child's well-being and promote a healthy relationship between the child and parents.
A child may not want to see their other parent for a few common reasons.
When there is conflict or tension between the parents.
Children are highly sensitive to conflict and tension between their parents. If they witness arguments, fights or negative interactions between their parents, they may start associating negative emotions with one parent or both. The child may feel caught in the middle of a parental dispute, where one parent is trying to turn the child against the other parent.
Parental Alientation.
Parental alienation is a form of emotional abuse that can occur in high-conflict separation and divorce cases when one parent (the alienating parent) tries to turn the child against the other parent (the targeted parent). The alienating parent may engage in behaviors such as denigrating the targeted parent in front of the child, interfering with the child's contact with the targeted parent, or making false allegations of abuse or neglect.
Underlying fear or safety concern.
In some cases, a child may not want to spend time with one parent because they feel unsafe or fear for their well-being. This could be due to past incidents or issues of abuse or neglect.
Lack of attachment and bonding.
Sometimes, a child may not have a strong emotional attachment to one of their parents. This could be due to factors such as distance, work schedules, or a lack of quality time spent together.
Something more trivial.
Sometimes the reason why the child does not want to see the other parent can be for more trivial reasons (although important to the child). One parent may not have wifi or the same food as the other parent. They may not be as geographically close to their friends as the other house. One parent may have stricter bed time rules than the other.
If you're dealing with a situation where a child doesn't want to see the other parent, it's essential to take a step back and assess the situation and seek appropriate help from experts in family therapy.
It is important to approach the situation with sensitivity and care. Here are some steps you can take:
Validate your child's feelings
Listen to your child and validate their feelings. Let them know that you understand how they feel and that it is okay to feel that way.
Talk to your child about the importance of maintaining a relationship with both parents.
Help your child understand the importance of maintaining a relationship with both parents, even if they are going through a difficult time.
Consider the reasons why your child may not want to see the other parent.
Try to understand the reasons why your child may not want to see the other parent. If there are valid concerns, such as abuse or neglect, it is important to take appropriate action to protect your child.
Talk to the other parent:
Communicate with the other parent about your child's concerns and work together to find a solution. If necessary, seek the help of a mediator or family therapist.
Consider seeking the help of a qualified family therapist or mediator who can provide guidance and support in finding a resolution that's in the child's best interest.
Child Inclusive Mediation.
Child-inclusive mediation is a form of family mediation where the voice and perspectives of the children involved in a family dispute, such as separation or divorce, are directly included in the mediation process. In child inclusive mediation, a child consultant works with the parents, the children and the mediator to facilitate communication, understanding, and decision-making regarding the children's well-being and needs.
Child inclusive mediation recognises that children have their own unique experiences, thoughts, and feelings about the separation and divorce, and their input can be valuable in reaching agreements that are in their best interests. The child consultant creates a safe and supportive environment for the children to express their views, concerns, and preferences, and working with the mediator, the consultant helps the parents understand and consider these perspectives in their decision-making process.
The goal of child inclusive mediation is to promote healthy communication, cooperation, and understanding between parents, and to empower children to have a voice in decisions that affect their lives. The consultant and mediator can help the parents develop a parenting plan that takes into consideration the children's needs, preferences, and developmental stage, and assists the parents in reaching mutually acceptable agreements that prioritise the well-being of the children.
It's important to note that child inclusive mediation is not therapy for the children, but rather a process that provides them with a safe space to express their thoughts and feelings related to the family dispute. The mediator works in a child-focused manner, respecting the children's privacy and confidentiality, and ensures that their involvement is voluntary and age-appropriate. Child inclusive mediation can be a valuable tool in helping families navigate complex issues related to separation or divorce and can promote positive outcomes for all family members involved.
Here at Bendigo Mediation, we are proud to offer child inclusive mediation.
If you would like to learn more about the child inclusive process and how it could help your family, click on the child inclusive link for more information.